"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." ~T.S. Eliot

"You were once wild here, don't let them tame you!" ~Isadora Duncan

"Be faithful to that which exists within yourself." ~Andre Gide

"Follow your bliss!" ~J. Campbell ... and my folks!

"The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting." ~Andy Warhol

"There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." ~Nelson Mandela

"...open and expanding like an unfinished book..." ~Quote from a friend, Travis Judd

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." ~St. Francis of Assisi

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ~Nelson Mandela

"The capacity to be puzzled is ... the premise of all creation, be it in art or in science." ~Erich Fromm

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." ~Mae West

"Theatre is a form of knowledge; it should and can also be a means of transforming society. Theatre can help us build our future, rather than just waiting for it." ~Augusto Boal

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Unexpected Anxiety

Right, so for the past two years I have been trying to get jobs in theatre, specifically directing, but willing and able to take on other roles. In the past two years - theatrically speaking - I've managed to direct two middle school shows, work a year as a Drama Kids International Teacher (and asked back for next year), run two of my 24 Hour Theatre projects with the local High School and work on two projects with WAM Theatre Company as their Production Stage Manager.

And over the past few months I've been working on getting my butt out to Seattle to work for a friend and the children's theatre company she works for ('cause let's face it, I NEED to get my tiny hiney out of my folks house before they throw me out, haha, and working in professional theatre companies has a higher possibility of more future work etc., etc., etc.,). And recently I've gotten an offer of two more weeks in the Seattle area. And I've interviewed for the Resident Stage Manager's position with Cap Rep for their next season. (If you've been reading my blog you're well aware of these things.)

And now I find myself full of anxiety over the Seattle area gigs, should I really take them seeing as I have the possibility of this Resident SM Position. The anxiety is for multiple reasons but hinges STRONGLY on the financial.

The SM job will pay, and if I got the season long position, would pay well (a LORTD Equity House...) not to mention being Equity means I'd be accruing health benefit "hours". This is pretty MAJOR. Even more major if I could work out the SM job with the Drama Kids teaching, two jobs equals two paychecks!!! (And with the money from both I'm sure I could get an apartment in Albany.)

However, the two jobs out in the Seattle are in my direct field, as in theatre but also the area I want - Directing (and teaching). They will pay well too. Or at least well enough for the time commitment and what they are, summer camps, but they are only temporary (obviously), and it costs to get out there and to live while I am out there. And for some reason right now I'm totally stressing any sort of move ... though this wouldn't be a move, at least not at first ... because I've only got 5 weeks of work lined up. However, with my time out there and my friends knowledge/connections, who knows what I might be able to get while I am there.

So what am I stressing really? The BIG ANXIETY CONTENDER ... well if I get the SM gig with Cap Rep, the first show starts rehearsals mid-August. I'm supposed to be happily working in Seattle in August! (Oh, and if I do go out there, I need to sort out travel and all that jazz because the Bremerton gig starts on July 18th which means at the very latest I need to be out there on the 17th. WHAT???!!!)

SO ... what do I do right now?

I haven't heard back from Cap Rep yet, even though I emailed the guy the other day. And I did learn yesterday that housing for my time out in the Seattle area is all taken care of (of course I have no idea if/what I'll be paying for my housing in Bremerton as it was sorted yesterday and I haven't yet spoken to the guy) ... but ... well, at the moment what I feel is completely stressed out over having some work this summer. (Ironic?!)

You can't sit around and just wait on a job, this much I know. I've got work out in Seattle so I should just go, right? But what if I get offered this Stage Manager's role? And I can't get the money side of things out of my mind.

Money. EVIL. I've got a bit in my bank account, but not a lot ... but my student loans are about to suck up a fair size portion of that ... and then there's the flight (which my folks are helping with but still) and living expenses while I am out there ... and this makes me feel like the only real benefit of going to Seattle is that I "MIGHT" get more work from just being out there. As in, all the funds I'll make while I'm there will basically pay for my being there. Not horrible. But what if I get offered a job that will be a constant, year long, good pay check???

If I were being totally honest with myself, right now, I feel like getting the Cap Rep job would be a huge relief and THE THING TO DO (even though it's stage managing not directing, and I WANT TO BE A DIRECTOR). SO much of the Cap Rep job just makes better financial sense.

ARRRRRRRRRGH...I'm gonna stop writing for the moment 'cause I've totally worked myself into an anxiety knot. I don't even know if this entry makes sense ... blargh!

Sometimes I really hate the field I work in.

1 comment:

  1. Stupid anxiety halt!!!

    So now I'm just concentrating on the fun side of these jobs ... whatever will happen will happen!