"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." ~T.S. Eliot

"You were once wild here, don't let them tame you!" ~Isadora Duncan

"Be faithful to that which exists within yourself." ~Andre Gide

"Follow your bliss!" ~J. Campbell ... and my folks!

"The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting." ~Andy Warhol

"There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." ~Nelson Mandela

"...open and expanding like an unfinished book..." ~Quote from a friend, Travis Judd

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." ~St. Francis of Assisi

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ~Nelson Mandela

"The capacity to be puzzled is ... the premise of all creation, be it in art or in science." ~Erich Fromm

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." ~Mae West

"Theatre is a form of knowledge; it should and can also be a means of transforming society. Theatre can help us build our future, rather than just waiting for it." ~Augusto Boal

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A Life Stalled Out

Despite the fact that I had an interview today, and I was offered (if the housing issue can be worked out) a two week job in Bremerton, WA - which would be right before my three weeks in Seattle with Stone Soup this August - and the other jobs I have had this past year ... it feels like my life stalled out two and a half years ago. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, on some days, when will my life begin again???!!!

I had to leave London a year before I thought I was going to have too, due to the one year working visa - post a UK Uni graduation - application processes change. Shortly before my Student Visa was due to expire I found out that the work visa I had planned on applying for (and assumed I would get as it was "guaranteed" to anyone who'd graduated from a UK Uni) had new rules. Now anyone applying not only had to have graduated from a UK Uni, BUT they also had to have a certain amount of money in their bank account that didn't dip below that point for at least three months prior to application time.

Well ... I was at the end of my two year Masters program, my funds were "almost gone" AND I hadn't yet funded my final module which was in Bali - which had to be put off due to my program's transfer from one school to another (oh, and my funds were depleted more than they should have been due to this program transfer as well, rather than taking the tube to class I had to take that and the national rail, which made it so that I spent quite a lot more than I had anticipate).

Bali ... my flight was costing me so much that I actually had to borrow money from my folks in order to afford it so that I could use my remaining funds on my living expenses while in Bali and the remaining time in London when I got back from Bali.

Then I found out about the work visa application change ... I could have asked someone (family) if I could borrow the amount required to apply for the visa, and give it back once I'd obtained the visa ... but I was about to be 30 years old, I had just spent the better part of two and a half years living and playing and learning in London (and a few other fabulous locations around the globe) and I felt that I couldn't ask to borrow money for something that felt so "trivial". I was going to have to go home at some point, I guess now was the time. I think I could have asked someone to borrow the money if it was a matter of finishing the degree ... but ... well ... so I had to go home.

I cried like a baby, several times, when I realized I was really going to have to leave London. It felt like I was breaking up with a city (you know, rather than a boyfriend). Don't get me wrong, I was happy that I would be closer to my family again, but London is where I've felt the most 'at home' since I graduated from New Paltz in 2001. And, since I was leaving so "quickly" I hadn't spent any time sending my resume out ... anywhere ... YIPES. Talk about sad and upsetting.

Right, anyway, it's felt like I've been living a life stalled out "ever since" I returned!

When I got back to the states my funds were low so I moved back in with my folks in a small upstate NY town (thank god for them, and I honestly one hundred percent super gratefully mean that, they haven't kicked me out yet, they don't treat me like a kid, and they allow me to keep trying to get real work in my field - I mean I did go crazy into debt for that Masters...).

BUT, the economy is (and was even more so at the time I first came back) shitty, the employment opportunities are not great - especially when living in a small town. Basically any jobs mean a 45 minute commute or so...and even those are freaking HARD to come by! (Hence the idea behind this blog to begin with ... all the places I've/am applied too ... and how many jobs do I have / have I had in the past two and a half years???)

This doesn't mean I've had NO work ... I'm a substitute teacher in the local school district. I've directed two Middle School shows (in the same local school district). I've been able to do my 24 Hour Project with the Local High School. I've recently had the two WAM Theatre Co. jobs. And this past year I also was hired as a Drama Kids Teacher (part time). SO I haven't technically stalled out entirely ... but still ... my social life is pretty much non-existant and dating ... well don't get me started on that DRY SPELL!

Anyhoo ... today I want to scream out ... when will my life begin again?!?!? Anyone ... Beuller (did I spell that correctly)??? Sigh...I guess that's all for the moment.
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